First post in a while as I’ve been otherwise occupied.
I started my Kerfree break on January 18 and on January 22 I flew home to be with Mom and Dad.
Dad needed a blood transfusion and he seemed to be doing significantly worse than the week before. I thought it would be a good idea to spend some time with him while he was good enough for quality time. As a bonus my sisters were home and we were having some #original5 quality time as well.
On top of watching hilarious movies with Dad, I thought I would have time for reading my book, working on my course, writing in my damn journal, maybe even a couple blog posts! Well, that didn’t happen. I had to withdraw from my business course. I didn’t write in my damn journal/planner once. I didn’t even read a page of my book. Two of the days I got less than 500 steps.
I can’t even really say what we did. Sure, we watched a couple movies. We made a few meals. Enjoyed visiting with some company. Every night we went to bed exhausted. If I spend a minute thinking about it, it was pure emotional exhaustion. Everyday we keep a leg in the positive camp of “maybe this will make everything better and I think he’s better today” and a leg in reality camp of “how much more time do we have and maybe he looks worse today”.
I always thought it would be better to have a long goodbye. A chance to say the things you need to say. And while I know an unexpected death has it’s downfalls, this long goodbye has its downfalls too. Watching my big strong Dad waste way just fucking sucks.
Cancer is eating away at his body. But his strength runs deep. This man is not giving up. And he has the #original5+ with him watching and learning what STRENGTH and COURAGE really means.